Dream Walk: Starting Over Again

Day Books: 06-May-75 - Rochester, NY

6 May 75 - Tuesday - 11:08 p.m.

The last few months are on tape, but tonight I feel like putting my words on paper. I read from the Sept. 16 entry, but couldn't bring myself to read the whole of the last 18 months - my feelings have changed so much I'm not sure I could take the contrast.

I finally opened up to Chic, but, alas, too late. We had a very nice apartment (in a not so hot neighborhood) right around the corner from Rundel Park, but a week ago she told me that it wouldn't work, so now I'm sleeping in Clint's attic until we can both find new apartments - neither of us can afford to keep the place on Upton, and it's too small for either of us to want to get a room-mate - and neither of us really wants one.

Linda and I got together over the weekend in Baltimore, and I told her that I would not be going through the pagan (immature) sexual impulsiveness that followed my breakup with Beth - only brief encounters with old lovers (maybe including Chic) for a while - I'm either very numb or calloused from so many bruises or my defenses go up sooner.

I'm worse off physically, financially, and emotionally than I've ever been before, but somehow feel better equipped to cope with it - maybe it's just apathy.