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The Ferengi Rules of Acquisition

Number Description
1 Once you have their money, you never give it back.
2 You can't cheat an honest man, but it never hurts to try.
3 Never spend more for an acquisition than you have to.
4 A woman wearing clothes is like a man in the kitchen.
6 Never allow family to stand in the way of oppurtunity.
7 Keep your ears open.
8 Only a fool passes up a business opportunity.
9 Opportunity plus instinct equals profit.
10 Greed is eternal.
11 Even if it's free, you can always buy it cheaper.
12 Anything worth selling is worth selling for twice.
13 Anything worth doing is worth doing for money.
14 Keep your family close; keep you latinum closer.
16 A deal is a deal (… until a better one comes along)
17 A contract is a contract is a contract … but only between Ferengi.
18 A ferengi without profit is no Ferengi at all.
19 Satisfaction is not guaranteed.
20 Only give money to people you can steal from.
21 Never place friendship before profit.
22 A wise man can hear profit in the wind.
23 Money can never replace dignity.
24 Money can't buy happiness, but you can sure have a blast renting it.
25 There's always a way out.
26 As the customers go, so goes the wise profiteer.
27 There nothing more dangerous than an honest businessman.
31 Never make fun of a ferengi's mother. (… insult something he cares about instead.)
33 It never hurts to suck up to the boss.
34 War is good for business.
35 Peace is good for business. (Note: Dax mixed these up)
39 Friendship is temporary; profit is forever.
40 She can touch your lobes but never touch your latinum.
41 Profit is it's own reward.
42 What's mine is mine, and what's yours is mine too.
44 Never confuse wisdom with luck.
45 Ambition knows no family.
46 Make your shop easy to find.
47 Never trust anyone whose suit is nicer than yours.
48 The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife.
49 Everything is worth something to someone.
50 Gratitude can bring on generosity.
52 Never ask when you can take.
57 Good customers are as rare as Latinum: Treasure them.
58 There is no substitute for success.
59 Free advice is seldom cheap.
60 Keep your lies consistent.
62 The riskier the road, the greater the profit.
65 Win or lose, there's always Huyperian beetle snuff.
68 Ear stroking will get you nothing.
69 Ferengi are not responsible for the stupidity of other races.
72 Never trust your customers
73 If it gets you profit, sell your own mother.
75 Home is where the heart is, but the stars are made of Latinum
76 Every once in a while declare peace … it confuses the hell out of your enemies
77 It's better to swallow your pride than to lose your profit.
78 When the going gets tough, the tough change the rules.
79 Beware of the Vulcan greed for knowledge.
82 The flimsier the product, the higher the price.
84 A friend is not a friend if he asks for discount.
85 Never let the competition know what you're thinking.
87 A friend in need means three times the profit.
89 Ask not what your profits can do for you; ask what you can do for your profits.
94 Females and finances don't mix.
95 Expand or die.
96 For every rule, there is an equal and opposite rule. (except when there's not.)
97 Enough … is never enough
98 Act without delay! The sharp knife cuts quickly.
99 Trust is the biggest liability of all.
100 If they take your first offer, you either asked too little or offered too much.
101 The only value of a collectible is what you can get somebody else to pay for it.
102 Nature decays, but Latinum is forever.
103 Sleep can interfere with … (probably 'profits')
104 Faith moves mountains … of inventory.
105 Don't trust anyone who trusts you.
106 There is no honour in poverty.
107 A warranty is valid only if they can find you.
109 Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack.
111 Treat people in your debt like family … exploit them.
112 Never have sex with the boss' sister.
113 Always have sex with the boss.
115 The best contract always has a lot of fine print.
116 There's always a catch.
117 You can't free a fish from water.
119 Never judge a customer by the size of his wallet (… sometimes, good things come in small packages).
121 Everything is for sale, even friendship.
123 Even a blind man can recognise the glow of Latinum.
125 Count it.
127 Stay neutral in conflict so that you can sell supplies to both sides.
135 Never trust a beneficiary.
139 Wives serve. Brotheres inherit.
141 Only fools pay retail.
142 There's no such thing as an unfair advantage.
143 Risk is part of the game … play it for all it's worth
144 There's nothing wrong with charity … as long as it ends up in your pocket.
146 Necessity, n. The mother of invention. Profit is the father.
152 A lie is a way to tell the truth to someone who doesn't know.
153 Sell the sizzle, not the steak.
162 Even in the worst of times, someone turns a profit.
169 Competition and fair … play are mutually exclusive.
171 Blood is thicker than water, and Latinum is thicker than both.
172 Chances aren't what they used to be.
177 Know your enemies … but do business with them always.
181 Not even dishonesty can tarnish the shine of profit.
188 A fool and his money is the best customer.
189 Let others keep their reputation. You keep their money.
190 Hear all, trust nothing.
191 A Ferengi waits to bid until his opponents have exhausted themselves.
192 Never cheat a Klingon … unless you're sure you can get away with it.
194 It's always good business to know about new customers before they walk in your door.
200 If you're going to have to endure, make yourself comfortable.
202 The justification of profit is profit.
203 New customers are like razor-toothed Greeworms … they can be succulent, but sometimes they bite back!
204 It takes a ferengi to cheat a Ferengi.
208 Sometimes the only thing more dangerous than the question is an answer.
211 Employees are the rungs on the ladder of success … don't hesitate to step on them.
214 Never begin a business negotiation on an empty stomach.
216 Never gamble with an empath.
218 Sometimes what you get free costs entirely too much.
219 Possession is eleven tenths of the law.
223 Beware the man who doesn't make time for oo-mox.
229 Latinum lasts longer than lust.
231 There's a sucker born evey minute … be sure you're the first to find each one.
236 You can't buy fate.
239 Never be afraid to mislabel a product.
241 Never trust a hardworking employee.
242 More is good … all is better.
255 A wife is a luxury … a smart accountant, a necessity.
256 Accountants do not play the game, they pnly keep the score.
260 Life's not fair. How else would you turn a profit??
261 A wealthy man can afford anything except a conscience.
262 A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.
263 Never allow doubt to tarnish you're lust for Latinum.
265 The customer is always right (… until you get their cash).
266 When in doubt, lie.
267 If you believe it, they believe it.
270 In business deals a disruptor can be almost as important as a calculator.
277 Anything worth fighting for is worth hiding from.
284 Deep down, everyone's a Ferengi.
285 No good deed ever goes unpunished.
286 When Morn leaves, it's all over. (Note: This was made up by Quark.)
299 Whenever you exploit someone, it never hurts to thank them. That way it's easier to exploit them the next time.
(Note: This was made up by Neelix)
??? You can tell a great deal about a man from his shoes.
??? One person's secrecy is another person's opportunity.
??? Time's an asset.
??? Your goods are now my goods.
??? Exploitation begins at home.
??? When you see a good deal, jump on it.
??? A Ferengi without a head for business has no future.
??? Everything has a price.

An unwritten but often used rule is: When no appropriate rule applies, make one up!

See also: Memory Alpha (Wiki)
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